Love yourself.

" If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved. Once you achieve that stage, however, be thankful for every thorn that others might throw at you. It is a sign that you will soon be showered in roses." -The Forty Rules of Love By: Elif Shafak

For the past week or so I've been reading a book. Now the book is about two stories that are intertwined together. It talks about a present day story and a thirteenth century story. I dont want to go into details about the book itself but the rules that are mentioned always get me thinking. This one rule (quoted above) got me thinking about life and love. Love doesn't have to mean romantic love, it can mean family love, or friendship love. It got me thinking about the way some people  treat me. A lot of people understand me wrong. I realized that I care about other people's problems and feelings more than I think about myself. I truely know now that I'm more important than others. But  what little people know that I worry about others unconsciously. People that I truly care about I worry about them. And I try with all my heart to ask about them. As much as I want people to love me, and constantly ask about me. I need to love myself. Only when I truly love myself will people love me. Know matter how hard people throw stones at me and try to tear me down, they don't realize that their hurt makes me stronger! I pull myself up higher every time! As long as I have me, I'll be ok! I'm not saying that I don't want to be loved. Cause everyone wants to be loved, but until I find the person that will take my pain off my shoulders, and helps me forget about others problems , all I have is me! Well peace until next time, love you all XO.

Snoww !!!!!!!!!

I've been wanting to post the past few days. But every day I go home extremely tired cold and exhausted from work and this amazing weather! I'm a big fan of winter! It's my favorite season of the year! This morning I woke up and the doorway was blocked!!! All I could think about was how was I going to get to work!!

After seeing the snow and thinking about work, I started thinking about all the people in this world, and how they would be dealing with this kind of weather. I was reminded by the people that dont have shelter or a roof over their head. The people that were thrown from their homes. The little kids that were found buried under the snow. And I found tears running down my face. Allah tries to tell people that he is capable of everything. But we dont even try and thank him for what we have. We complain from this weather and how we don't want to go to work because it's to cold. When we don't even realize that people are living in the cold while we are warm! I pray that god gives people what he has given me. That he keeps the Muslims and all the people in the world warm and safe at times like these! Stay warm and be safe! Peace till next time, XO!

A few pictures of the day...my favorites!

It's been a while!

I've been so busy with work recently that I barely noticed I haven't written anything in so long! And I noticed that I've been working for three months now! It's unbelievable how fast time flies by!
I really don't have anything on mind, except that I'm exhausted! But I'm planning on posting soon. Really soon I hope.
I hope everyone is good. Love you all peace till next time XOXO.

All over the place.

It's the worst feeling in the world when you have a million feelings running through your mind in a single moment. Where you feel like you want to be happy, delightful,jumping for joy, angry, down, depressed, or just simply unhappy. When you think about everyone else's problems and feel like it's your own responsibility. Like you need to fix everyone's problems. When you see a child cry , you want to take their tears and  cry for them.

When you have soo much responsibilities and you feel like if anyone sees how you really feel like your world is going to coming crushing down around you. All you want is a shoulder to cry on and to know they will not take advantage of your vulnerability. To always know they will always be there for you know matter what. Some one to help with the responsibility and help a little. To respect you for who you are.

Yes, I'm all over the place. My feelings, my sense of responsibility. All of how I feel. Everything. But all I can do for now is to put my head up and hope for the best. And to pray that god gives me the courage I need. Peace until next time, XO.

No Guarantees!

Life has no guarantees! You can't guarantee how your lifes going to turn out. Nor who is going to be apart of it. You can't even guarantee whats going to happen in the next few hours. So how do you predict your future? How can you guarantee not getting hurt by the people you most trust? That's a question that is constantly on my mind.

I'm a person that opens my heart easily to the people around me. How can I guarantee not to be hurt? If it's a close friend or a family member or even a spouse that has disappointed me and made me doubt them. What or who is going to help me move on or learn from my mistakes? What's going to give me the courage to move on and forgive? or even trust again?

How will I lose the feeling of rejection? Of not being good enough.

So many people were there for me when I needed them the most at any time in my life and I want them to know that even if life drags us apart for whatever reason I will always be there know matter what. And hopefully they will realize that.

But, always keep in mind there are no guarantees, keep your heart safe, but also give people the opportunity to be themselves and live up to what you believe. There is a chance your going to get hurt but there is an even bigger chance that your not. Peace for now, XO till next time.

Unforgettable

Today I woke up as any other day. It felt like that to. Nothing on my mind, fully rested. Over all great! A while  later I got dressed and went to work. A pretty normal day. I looked at my watch  many times during the day, as usual, to see what the date was. Although I would be sure of it, it always read 11. But what skipped my mind was that tody was September 11. 12 years ago on this precise day, the twin towers in New York,NY were hit by a terrorist group.

That day is etched into my brain unlike any other . I remember exactly where i was at that exact moment. I was in 6th grade and we had home room. We were all just sitting around minding our own business. When suddenly our teacher's daughter (also a teacher) came running in, tears rolling down her face. She was screaming put the news on! Fast! I remember sitting for almost an hour like the rest of the world. Trying to get a grip on what was going on. But I wasn't that old. It didn't make sense to me.

This was 12 years ago. Sometimes its hard to believe it was that long ago. But today after I got home from work and settled down, I was online, trying to see what was going on around me. When it finally hit me that today was September 11th. Although I get worked up when I recall what happened that day. How many innocent lives disappeared, just like that. And as I remember that I also  remember what's going on in the world now. How many children lost their parents, siblings and families. How many parents lost a child. How many innocent lives were simply thrown in the street like they are dead animals. Palestine has been under attack for over 65 years. Where are the tears shed for them. Or the Egyptian or Syrian or Afghan or Lebanese or Iraqi people. Where does all the suffering go. Who is caring or remembering what they are going through and a day to day basis.

I'm not saying that what happened 12 years ago on a single day is not something to be saddened about. I just keep remembering that there are people out there that are just trying to stay alive every day. Children fighting to stay alive to see the next sunrise. Dreaming of living a normal life, going to school, making new friends, giving back to society.

So when I say unforgettable, I mean unforgettable are the lives of every human that was ripped from there family and friends against their own will. Unforgettable are the lost souls that we forget to mention. The innocent bystander's.

May peace fill the lands and mountains. And may all your loved ones always be safe and sound. Until next time, Peace,XO.

Close Call.

I was planning on writing yesterday since it was still fresh in my mind with lots of thoughts swimming in my mind. But it was to much to handle. 

Yesterday was like any other day. Long day at work, eating dinner, a little rest. Than my dad comes home from work. And like any other night, we were all just sitting and relaxing, as well as joking around. Like most nights my dad called my uncle, to see how things were in Buffalo, and how my brother was doing. It was at that precise moment that my uncle got to the scene. For you see, my brother and cousin got into a terrible accident. We still didn't have details, just that they where ok. After my dad hung up the phone, my dear uncle sent my dad a picture of my brother's car. Once I saw it, one thing, and one thing only crossed my mind, there was no way they could have survived that. The car was practically gone! There was nothing left of it!

Thats when all hell broke loose. It's so much more harder to get news like that and know for a fact you can't reach him. He lives 5833 miles away. Which is about a 13 hour flight. Personally I'm a paranoid person, I worry soo much about the people around, the people I love witn all  y heart. I hate getting bad news! I'm sure it's the same for everyone. But I feel like I truly can't handle it.

I'm happy to say though, that both my brother and my cousin are ok. One is put in such situations as a test, to test there faith. And I honestly believe that God has put us through this experience to remind us that he has the power to do everything, and that we should be constantly thanking him for everything he has done for us as well as given us!

Do me and my family a favour, and keep us in your prayers. May God keep your family and loved ones safe.  Peace until next time, XO.

Lost!

Today was a pretty long day. But pretty good I can say. I like that I'm still at that stage where I can go to work and learn new things! 

But something I've noticed the past few days is that alot of people keep bringing up different subjects! Subject's that I personally would rather keep the book closed on for a while.

I know you guys are probably think, "what is this girl talking about?" But it's nothing in specific. One of my colleagues at work mentioned something to me the other day. She said that sometimes I act like I'm totally Arab but most of the time I think like a western raised person. And that got me thinking of course! I rarely ever stop! Could that be the reason why I feel sometimes like I can't live here in Jordan? Is that why I find it unbearable every once in a while? Dont get me wrong Jordan is a beautiful country with so many creative, smart, unique individuals. But sometimes it's just to much!

I have to admit though work is helping me. Little by little but hopefully I'll get used to it! I have to! One has to adapt to the environment he is put in! Hopefully I will!

Peace til next time! XO!

Mixed Feelings

Mixed feelings. That's really how I've been feeling for the past few days. Its been almost two weeks since my last post and I've been wanting to write for the past week or so. But , I've been exhausted!!!

A few updates since last time ...I got a job! Quick, right? It all happened so fast and suddenly. It's been a lot harder than I expected but not as bad as I feared. I'm truly enjoying the work experience. I've never worked a day in my life and I honestly wish I had more experience. I've met so many people and seen so many faces in the past two weeks that I feel like I'm going to fall flat on  my face! But it is so rewarding. I look at my colleagues who have 5 years of experience and i cant wait to be like them. They have so much knowledge!

Although it's only two weeks I've already learned so much and I cant wait to learn more. It's also interesting to hear what different patients and customers have to say when they come in and and ask for your advice. But something has been nagging me the past few days. Everyone that comes in and even when there are no customers ,amongst  ourselves, is talking politics and what is happening in  Jordan's sister countries. And as the post indicates, I've had mixed feelings. I'm terrified of the the different outcomes that might occur and nurt the country I'm currently living in. Especially the different idea's that people are putting in my head that I wasn't thinking of before. So many innocent people and CHILDREN have been dying. Why should more people die? Have people turned off their humanity? Do they only see themselves? 

And on the other hand people are so happy, and thankful for what they have! For you see, right before I started writing this post with all my overwhelming thoughts swimming in my head and all, I received a text from a dear friend telling me that she got engaged! Now although I feel like so much is going to happen in the upcoming weeks, I'm glad that people are trying to live there lives as normal as possible! I like to feel like there is still a sense of safety. And we can live and learn and enjoy our daily lives. And hopefully god will give the less fortunate the feeling of safety that we experience in our daily lives. 

I've wrote alot and jumped from one topic to another. Hopefully you were all able to keep up. Now you understand why I've been having mixed feelings, should I be happy or sad? All I know is that life is to short and you should be grateful for everything that comes your way. Good or bad.

Til next time.. Peace, XO.

What begins must come to an end.

That's an understatement. But true. After three days, eid has come to an end. After all the ups and downs. The giddiness and crying of little kids, as well as close calls to some unwanted events. I'm sad to see it go. I like living in a fanatsy world sometimes where everytning seems peachy. Everyones happy and forgiving because its the holiday's. But what begins must eventually come to an end. And life must go on. So much to do. Now that Ramadan is finally over as well as Eid. I have to start thinking about my future. I graduated in June after successfully finishing 5 years of pharmacy school. What a relief (there were times when I doubted if I could even do it). What's funny was that while everyone was out looking for jobs, I wanted to sit back and relax after 5 tiring years. Well that's that. Although I have applied to a few places and have had numerous interviews. It's time to get back to reality. My vacation is over. I need to start working and get going on to a career. Life is hard (or so they tell me) and full of responsibilities. It's never going to feel like the comfort of living under your parents safety. And its about time that I start taking on more responsibilities. So pray for me, and wish me good luck. Untill next time, Peace, XO.

Happy Eid!

Ramadan has come to an end. It's kind of sad , I wait year long for Ramadan. As a muslim its my favorite part of the year it's just so blessed. It has a different feel to it, which is the point. Families come together as well as whole countries. Its the only time that I feel like we are united as a nation rather than individuals. I'm sad to see it go. But what starts must eventually end. Its the circle of life. So this is me saying goodbye Ramadan thank you for what you have taught us this year and we will see you next year (nshalla). 
I wish you all a blessed Eid and I hope you have a beautiful holiday surrounded by all your loved ones! Peace. XO until next time.

Hmmm.....

It's funny. For the past three or four months so much has happened to me and there were a lot of days I picked my brain for a blog name! It was so frustrating! I needed to vent! One can only say so much to anyone close to them. For me I've always found it easier to express my self through my writing. So you see the dilemma that I was having. The other day the blog name popped into my head and I went for it. Now that I have my blog I'm eager to start writing. To let my voice be heard, but, NOTHING ! I can't find anything to write about ! SO I need your help, anything you want me to talk about? Comment on this post and I will be eternally grateful ! Anyways I'm going to bed...you guys have a good morning, evening or night (depending on where you are). Peace . XO

Starting Off !!!!!

            I've always wanted to write a book . I think it started around the time I started reading and became fascinated with what books held. Imagination, knowledge , but most of all freedom! The ability to be able to write about whatever you imagine and have an escape route from reality and your daily life. I think it was then that I was able to live my life. Although that was at an extremely young age of just 9 years old. The first book that gave this feeling was Harry Potter ( I know so over-rated, but hey I was 9 !!!) I enjoyed imagining what life would be like if we were actually witches and wizards. But that was just the beginning and I wasn't addicted to reading it was just a past time I enjoyed. My addiction really started when I moved to Amman at the age of 13. I dreaded the thought of moving some where that was so foreign to me, that scared me to death. Unlike most teenagers I didn't rebel I behaved myself but I stayed to myself and read more, imagined more, learned more. This ultimately eased the transaction of being in one society and moving to a complete opposite one. I was able to accept the culture i was thrown into. I've been living here for almost 10 years and I still learn something new about this society each day. 99% of the  time it has to be said, written down, and acknowledged. So that's what I'm going to do. But since I don't know what to write about i thought that if i started blogging that maybe its easier to get my story out so I'm going to write about random thoughts of my daily life and maybe from there, a book will grow.. so here I go. Ready? Set? GOO!!!